FIFTH-GRADE GIRL SYNDROME

It strikes when you least expect it, just about the time your darling girl has become so easy to take care of--no more diapers, no more strollers, in school, takes her own showers, can even scramble herself an egg and make her own Kool-Aid if necessary.

And then it hits. Fifth-grade girl syndrome.

It's easier to live with this time around, because we went through it with Tillie, our oldest, and she turned out fine. Amelia is actually only in fourth grade, but hey, some kids are advanced.

One symptom of FGGS is that the subject becomes harder to get up in the morning, and, once up, becomes harder to get out the door. Screeching is another symptom.

This morning, attempting to get everyone out to the car:

Amelia (screeching in tones similar to chalk on blackboard): "I need SOCKS! I keep telling you I need socks!"

Me: "And I told you three times to go get some out of my top drawer." (Amelia can now wear my socks, and that's easier than going downstairs to look for some of hers.)

Amelia (screeching): "But I have to find my jacket! Why do I always have to do EVERYTHING around here?"

Me (Giving up and getting the socks, since so far this quarter we have no tardies and I'd like to keep it that way so I don't get another nasty note from the school): "Okay, okay, I'll get the socks. Someone get a video recorder and tape this so I can show it to her when she's thirty."