SIGH,
AND,
DEAR MISS CHERYL

We don't know where Angelo is at the moment, although it's almost ten p.m.

According to Alan, who drove himself and Angelo to church youth group this evening, Angelo was in one of his moods, apparently related to not getting to do what he wanted to with the video games at youth group.

Alan reports that Angelo may have broken a TV by kicking it, and that he was swinging a microphone around by the cord. We know what Alan means--it's the usual stomping-around-in-corners behavior that Angelo is infamous for when he is mad. One problem we have is that we never know what's going to bring this on. It's rarely rational.

Another problem is that we can't do much about it any more. I have given up on "disciplining" Angelo, because he simply will not tolerate it. He can't stand the idea of us having control over him, so the usual "you can't use the computer for a week because . . . " type of approach is simply a disaster. He might not use the computer, but he will make me miserable for it by literally following me around the house every second, watching me. I can't take it.

So, I've quit. I made a decision to quit parenting Angelo. He lives here, and that's about it. He still asks us if he can do this or that, but because he picks and chooses what to ask--not asking if he really wants to do something and he thinks we'll say no--it isn't real.

When Alan reported on Angelo's behavior tonight, I asked about the youth director--where was Mr. Jason during all this? Alan said that he thinks Mr. Jason has stopped trying to do anything about Angelo and is ignoring him. I guess it's universal.

But really, what is Mr. Jason supposed to do? It's hard to reason with someone who puts his hands over his ears and says, "Never never never" when you try to talk to him about his behavior.

One thing Angelo may not realize is that there ARE things we won't accept, and letting him abuse other people is one of them. Fred says that Angelo will just have to not go to youth group any more unless Fred is there. We are willing to put up with some of this when it's just us, because we don't know what else to do, but we can't let him do it to other people.

Anyway, Alan refused to let Angelo get in the car to go home. Alan called us. Fred drove over to church, but apparently Angelo had left before Fred got there. There's been enough time for him to walk home, but he's not here. We don't know where he is. Ah, well.

The odd thing is, we don't know what brings this on--and really, Angelo doesn't always do it. Sometimes he seems fine. He just got a "job" (it seems to be kind of a government-sponsored, part-job, part-education type thing, which is good) with the Youth Conservation Corps--a month this summer, eight hours a day, with the Parks Department. They will bus the kids to their work site, and do a few field trips, and pay them for their work. It sounds great. Angelo was happy about it. He took the initiative to fill out the application and get it in early. Things like this happen, looking positive, and then, the youth group thing. I just don't know . . .

On a more positive note, Francie received a thank-you card from her preschool teacher for a plant that Francie gave "Miss Cheryl" on the last day of preschool. At the bottom of the note was a P.S., telling me that Miss Cheryl "really, really" appreciated the letter I included with the plant.

That was a relief, because I worry any time I write something. I think it was the wrong thing to say, the wrong thing to write. I was afraid Miss Cheryl might think my letter was stupid, or unnecessary, but at the same time, I felt like I really ought to write it. Miss Cheryl is retiring from CPS (Co-operative Preschool) this year, we've had three girls in her class, and we missed her retirement open-house, so the note was the least I could do:

"Dear Miss Cheryl,

I’d like to tell you a story about Amelia's Kindergarten Screening.

Her screening took place in the old building, where there wasn’t room for the teachers to talk to the parents individually, so they just took them into a corner of the waiting room to talk about the results. After Amelia's screening, the teacher that did hers took me outside to give me the results. Once we got out there, she said she went outside because she didn’t want the other parents to overhear and feel bad, because Amelia did so well on her tests. The teacher’s exact words were, “Her kindergarten teacher is going to love her.”

As you might remember, we were having Lillie around the time Amelia was in Pre-K, so we weren’t focusing a lot on working with Amelia to get her ready for kindergarten. I’m sure her excellent screening results are due in large part to CPS.

Lillie did fine on her screening too, although by then they were in the new building with more privacy and no need to chat outside!

Francie turned five a few weeks ago and had her screening last week. She scored at the age four level on body parts (she didn’t know some of the harder ones like wrist) but on everything else, she scored at the age five or age six level (about half five and half six).

We brought Francie here from Haiti just before her second birthday, speaking no English, of course, and with a fairly deprived background, by U.S. standards. We think she was pretty well cared for as an infant, but Haiti and the orphanage were having tough times during Francie's “age 1” year. When we picked her up, she was in a concrete room with about ten other kids and a couple of nannies. No toys, books, games, music, or playground equipment. They pulled out crib mattresses at nap time and bedtime and put them on the floor for the kids. I don’t think the kids ever even left the room, although the nannies rotated on their shifts.

So, Francie's had only three years to catch up to what she should have had five years to get ready for. When I showed Fred her screening results, he said, “That’s a tribute to CPS and Miss Cheryl” (also Miss Amy and Miss Krista, of course!).

Since we missed your retirement party, I just wanted to let you know how much of an impact I am sure you had on getting our kids (and many others) ready for school. In addition to being well-prepared for kindergarten, none of them ever said “I don’t want to go to school today" at CPS.

Thanks, and Happy Retirement"

It's all quite true--although Francie did some screeching and running down the halls after her screening was over, her test results were good. It's probably hard for other people to understand what a thrill this is. All the kids in her class will do well on their screenings, and probably hardly any of them will run screeching down the hall afterwards, but she's a special case. She's managed to come so far in so much less time than they had.

Thank goodness for the accomplishments of a little five-year-old.