OUR LIFE

Mom and Dad, alias Fred and Wilma:

Wilma arrives home from her job cleaning kennels and bathing dogs and collapses into a chair. She is exhausted and smells like a dog.

Wilma: "My back is killing me."

Fred: "Oh, good, you're here. We need to figure out the rest of the day. I have a meeting at church, about that funeral."

Wilma: "Why is Amelia back already? Why isn't she still at Madison's house? Why is Madison here?"

Fred: "Madison's grandpa had a heart attack this morning, so Madison's mom brought them over here. Madison's mom was going to the hospital. Your mother took Francie and Lillie with her this morning. I thought she was just taking Francie. I couldn't remember why she was taking her, though, so I wasn't sure what was going on, and Lillie went too."

Wilma: "She was taking Francie to get a pair of shoes for her birthday present. I didn't know she was taking Lillie either. I never know what's going on."

Fred: "Lillie has a hair appointment at Aunt Judy's salon at 1:00."

Wilma: "What? When did that happen? What did she do, call and make her own hair appointment? She's seven."

Fred: "Yeah, she did. She said she wanted her bangs cut, so I gave her the phone and told her to call Aunt Judy. But I didn't know your mother was taking her somewhere. I told your mother that Lillie has a hair appointment. I guess they'll be back in time."

Wilma: "It's 12:15 now, they'd better get back soon. If she's getting her bangs cut, she should get her hair cut too, as long as she's there. And we still have Aunt Judy's Christmas present. We should take that along." (Note: this conversation is taking place in April.)

Phone rings. Fred answers, describes location of hair salon where Aunt Judy works, hangs up.

Fred: "Okay, I guess your mother thought she was taking Lillie to the hair appointment."

Wilma: "Huh? What about getting her hair cut while she's there? Are they going to do that? What about the Christmas present? Oh, just give me the damn phone."

Fred hands Wilma the phone. Wilma dials.

Wilma: "Hello? It's me. So, you're taking Lillie to get her hair cut? Okay. Can you ask Aunt Judy to cut her hair too, not just her bangs? Just a chin-length cut, like last time. Okay, put her on. Hi, Lillie. Can you ask Aunt Judy to cut your hair too? Like you had it last time was good. About to your chin. Why can't you hear me? Is it loud there, or you just can't hear me? Okay, CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? What do you mean, no. I just asked if you can hear me and you said no, so you must have been able to hear me. Okay, I'll yell. CAN YOU GET YOUR HAIR CUT TOO, BESIDES GETTING YOUR BANGS CUT? YES, I KNOW YOU ARE GETTING YOUR HAIR CUT. BUT CAN YOU GET IT CUT ALL OVER, LIKE LAST TIME, AS LONG AS TO YOUR CHIN? WHAT? Oh, hi. She says she can't hear me. Just get her hair cut like last time--yes. Bye."

Wilma to Fred: "Stop laughing."