Francie's Birthday Party--Aargh and Help

I am at a total loss here.

Birthday parties are the most complicated kid things I deal with, I think. I know, someone with a child in a wheelchair, or a child with cancer, would think I am horrible to say that. I realize I'm very lucky that I am able to think that birthday parties are a major issue.

Elementary-age kids, especially girls, live for their birthday parties. From preschool through second grade, the worst thing you can say to someone is, "You can't come to my birthday." They never say "birthday party," but "birthday." The word "birthday" means it all.

Francie's birthday is in late April. Lillie's birthday is in July. July birthdays complicate parties, because she's not in school and that makes it hard to track kids down to invite them.

Last year we had a joint party for both girls right after school was out, in June. That would have worked okay, except that Francie comes from a class with a lot of involved moms who bring their kids to birthday parties, and Lillie comes from a class that doesn't hang together very well. So Francie had more guests and more presents than Lillie.

This year, Lillie, the eternally perfect and lucky child, won a birthday party package from the local YMCA. She has chosen a swim party, which we are having next weekend, right after school gets out for the summer. She's inviting the girls in her class. I hope they show up. I hate birthday parties so much I put off making the invitations as long as possible. She's passing them out today, the last day of school.

Then there's Francie. Sigh. Aargh. The poor kid.

We did have cake and presents on her actual birthday, over a month ago now. I have not yet had the party. She's very sad about this. I'm a horrible mom.

The whole spring birthday season has coincided with a lean time for us financially. The car people want their payment, the kid wants a birthday party. Who wins? Francie doesn't understand this, especially when Lillie's party is a given, because it's mostly free. (Why not have a joint party again at the Y? Well, I was afraid the Y might object to my bringing in two kids for the one party that we won, which is in Lillie's name.)

So, today is the last day of school, and I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the hell to do about Francie's birthday party, because if we are passing out invitations to something, I have to decide what it is, make invitations for it, and have Francie pass them out less than two hours from now.

Her school friends from last year's class are now split into two classes. If I invited both classes, it would mean inviting close to fifty kids. What if they all showed up? I was thinking of a home party, because it would be cheaper, but our house won't hold that many kids.

We can just invite her special friends, but how does she pass out invitations to just some kids and not make others feel bad?

We could just invite her current class, but that won't work at all. There's a core group of kids and moms who hang out together (I'm not one of them, but Francie is on the fringe) and if I just invite one class, half the group will be left out. To complicate matters further, there are twins who are split between the two classes, and whose mom gets upset if only one of them is invited to something.

I checked the school directory, hoping for addresses so we could figure this out later and mail invitations. There are only phone numbers and only about half the kids have those listed.

I suggested a "half-birthday" party to Francie yesterday. For September. She could invite next year's class. She cried. Besides, then I'd feel like I have to write on the invitations that it's not her real birthday and please don't feel obliged to bring presents, which opens up a whole new can of worms. ("No presents? Lillie got presents! Cry, sob.")

Francie, honey, if you read this when you are thirty years old and you feel like you were neglected as a kid, while Lillie the golden child splashed and enjoyed her fancy YMCA pool party, please know that I am doing the best that I can. Honest.

I still don't know what to do about this birthday party. I have, let's see, about an hour now to come up with something.