Break out the video camera and put me on a reality TV show—one where they film terrible parents doing terrible things, and then they take their kids away.

Yes, Mommy made a wee mistake. Nobody’s hurt; it’s just one of those events where you think, I'm glad this didn’t happen while the social worker was here doing the homestudy.

The two little girls, ages four and five, were taking a bath together. The former owner of our house was a big guy, about six foot four, and he installed an extra-large whirlpool tub for himself. So we have this big tub.

Heard from the bathroom: “Mommy, we want to turn on the bubbler!”

Mommy heads for the bathroom and gently explains, like the Good and Patient Parent that she is, that the "bubbler” only works if the tub is really full, and that the tub is not currently full enough. The water has to completely cover the jets or else it’ll spray all over the place.

“See?” I say, still in Good and Patient Mode. “I’ll show you.”

I reach out and punch the button, and Blam! Twin sprays of water shoot out full blast from the back of the tub like two fire hoses, right into the little girls’ stupified faces. Splat.

I wasn’t trying to teach them a lesson. Honest. I thought that air would shoot out of the holes. I didn’t know the darn things actually shot water.

I did all the appropriate stuff, of course—fumbled for towels, dried off their little faces, and said, “I’m so sorry, Mommy didn’t know that would happen!” But I’m still glad the social worker wasn’t there.