What A Country

In the book "A World Of Love," a mom writes about (among other things) the first Halloween for her daughter from Russia. The little girl was amazed and delighted that you could walk down the street knocking on doors and people would hand out candy.

It really is amazing, when you think about it. It's a great holiday. I live in a part of the country where a lot of people think Halloween is satanic. They don't do Halloween at all, or they just do the "Halloween alternative" at their church.

I say,come on. This is a holiday where you knock on the doors of total strangers, and they are nice to your kids and give them candy. You meet your neighbors, for a change. You get to peek inside their houses. Their kids come to your house and you give them candy. It's a cool holiday. Satanic? Heck, Christmas comes closer to being satanic, given the shopping behavior of some people.

But this wasn't my point, actually. My point was, what a revelation Halloween is to newly adopted older international kids.

We adopted two boys from Haiti, ages ten and thirteen their first Halloween with us. One has since been adopted by another family--we bit off a bit more than we could chew. He's doing well there.

The older boy is still with us, and still trick-or-treating at age sixteen. He can get away with it because he's very small for his age, he has younger siblings he can go with, and besides, I figure he missed it most of his life--I don't care if he wants to do it a couple more times.

Older kid adoption is not all sweetness and light. Come to think of it, at our house it's been almost no sweetness and light at all. It's been much rougher than I ever dreamed.

That first Halloween, "Angelo" (his blog alias) got in a major snit about costumes--he wanted to wear something I wouldn't let him wear, or something. I don't even remember what it was about, except that he was mad and storming around exhibiting typical Reactive Attachment Disorder behavior, making everyone tense and detracting from the fun for the other kids.

He almost didn't go trick-or-treating with us. We set off and left him, finally, and he trailed along behind, not QUITE willing to give up on whatever it was we were going to do with those bags.

When the boys caught on to the plan, he kind of forgot about being mad. You could almost see the wheels clicking in their heads. All you do is knock on a door, and EVERYONE will give you candy?

See, they don't have any of the subtleties down. They have to be taught that you don't knock if the porch light's off. They don't know that you can't do this tomorrow and the next night and, well, any time you are short on candy. They don't realize that there is tact and politeness involved here--no, you can't keep going all night. Halloween doesn't end at dawn, it ends about 8:30.

The two of them took off from house to house so fast that we were afraid we'd lose them and they really would keep going until dawn, if they were able to find their way home at all. My husband took out after them while I took the little kids around more slowly.

Then at home, there were arguments about "their" candy--yes, we did have the right to say when and where they ate it. Sulking and stomping ensued.

Still, it was fun watching them catch on to the whole Halloween concept--you wear a costume, you knock, any house with the light on, any time that evening, and they give you candy--no judgments, no requirements, no questions asked. It was fun watching the inevitable phrase go through their minds:

What A Country!